Resilience is widely accepted as an ability to adapt and bounce back when things don’t go as planned. 2020 hasn’t and isn’t going as planned. I’ve coined it the year of HIRT…High Impact Resilience Training. A quick google search will reveal great information online to support you with this training. The purpose of this newsletter isn’t to re-present this. Instead I want to offer something new by way of a question:
What if the essential and often missed component in resilience training is the quality of your connection with you?
In my early 40s I had a crisis. Resilience was at an all time low. A few years prior, I’d left what was, in the eyes of the world, a fabulous career. My heart wasn’t in it. I’d then set up a business that I loved but couldn’t find a way to scale and make fly. A relationship ended. The dream of marriage and children was on its last legs. A lump was discovered inside me that shouldn’t have been there. Whatever life plan I had was in shreds. I was well and truly stuck. So I took some time out and admitted what felt like defeat.
That seeming defeat changed everything. For the better. It was in that defeat that I discovered resilience started with the quality of connection I had with me. That connection impacted who I was as a leader, how I ran my business, how I showed up in my relationships and in my life.
I was a qualified coach so thought I knew myself. But I didn’t. I only knew my persona, the self-image I’d accumulated over the years through my life experiences and education. She’s pretty cool by the way. I’m not knocking her. Without her I wouldn’t have achieved half as much as I have. Yet beyond her was a whole world of real connection, allowing and flow to discover, the ultimate markers of resilience. My defeat initiated that discovery.
In my defeat, the battle was called off, whatever the battle was. I had nothing more to prove. I took stock instead. I noticed how reactive and busy I had become. I saw the superwoman mask I’d put on. I spotted the over-active, ‘never-enough’ inner critic and the relentless doing. Perhaps you can relate.
In response to my new awareness I became kinder towards myself, allowed vulnerability and created a supportive rhythm in my life. I listened to my body. I paid more attention to my breathing and the way I moved. I reflected on what I valued and how I wanted to live my life. I began to trust myself at a deeper level. I made space to explore what I truly enjoyed, in the process giving my weary, over-used, problem-solving mind a rest, and re-discovering painting, dancing and poetry. Beauty and presence re-entered my world. Relationships and work flourished once more. I had tapped into a deeper level of resilience than I’d ever known before. I became unstuck and life began to flow again.
I hadn’t even known I was stuck. I was living life at 100mph. How could I be stuck? But stuckness has many faces. Intense busyness is one of them. Becoming unstuck can often involve a pause or even a stop. From the outside looking in this might look like being stuck! Beware conventional ways of viewing the world.
Many people are struggling to stay connected with themselves right now. Some have lost their job, workflow, and sense of direction. Some are stuck and finding that the resilience tools they are adopting to help them bounce back aren’t getting them moving again in the way they want to.
If this is you, here’s something simple to try this week.
- Make a list of the activities you truly enjoy and bring you into the moment, back to yourself. Include small things like making a cup of your favourite tea or chatting to a work colleague. Include big things too, like presenting to large audiences (most likely on zoom at the moment!) or painting a picture.
- Choose one thing from your list that you can realistically do daily for the next 7 days and then do it. Really savour doing this one thing that you enjoy.
- Choose one thing from your list that isn’t a daily activity but is something you can do once over the next 7 days. Put it in your diary as non-negotiable and do it.
- Choose one thing from your list that you love to do but isn’t possible within the next 7 days. Commit to doing this thing within the next month. Schedule it in your diary now.
Knowing the things you truly enjoy and incorporating them into your life enhances the quality of connection you have with yourself. When you’re connected to you, you can connect deeply with others, you’re more resourceful and creative, you’re able to see new ways forward and make better decisions. You get unstuck.
If you want more dedicated support to deepen your resilience, connect to you and get unstuck, join me at one of the UNSTUCK events I’m running week commencing 14 September. You can book HERE.
What Are UNSTUCK Workshops?
Sometimes you have so many ideas about what next that you feel overwhelmed and paralysed. Other times your mind draws a blank and you can’t see beyond your current circumstances. Then there are times when what worked before no longer works and you have to change even if you don’t want to.
UNSTUCK workshops are designed to get you moving, flowing and growing again.
If you’re frustrated because things aren’t progressing as you’d like them to, join us and we’ll talk about that. If you’re unsure where you’re heading, join us and we’ll talk about that. If you feel on your own with your business and life dilemmas, join us and we’ll talk about that. If you don’t know where to start or how to stop, join us and we’ll talk about that.
Bring a pressing question, a challenge, or an opportunity and take the time to explore it, get clarity, and make progress. Enter the final quarter of the year fired up and ready!
How Do They Work?
I meet with 3 people on zoom for 90 minutes. Each person summarises what has brought them to UNSTUCK and articulates a question, challenge or opportunity they wish to address. Then I facilitate a process of exploration and learning, offering input and guidance as needed, to support you to get unstuck and into clarity and flow.
Why Three People?
Whilst we are all unique we are also similar in many ways. Seeing yourself in others and others seeing themselves in you is an accelerator of growth, learning and getting unstuck. There’s a joy in releasing blocks with others around, and you, in turn, being a witness to the light dawning for your companions as they make a breakthrough.
How Do I Book?
These workshops are running twice a day at different times during the week commencing 14 September. They are available at a one time only discounted cost of £80 per person per event. You can see the schedule and book HERE.
What If I Book Then Need To Cancel?
You can cancel with full refund less administration charge if you give 7 days notice. With less than 7 days notice you can change to a different UNSTUCK workshop during the UNSTUCK week 14-18 September 2020 provided places are available.
Here’s how some former clients have benefited from working with me.
“Mandy got me to dig deep and explore actions I had taken and actions I was planning to take. By getting me to look at things from lots of different angles, I got to know myself and have much more confidence in myself as a result. This groundwork has given me the springboard I needed to take charge of my career and move forward with purpose.” HA
“The value she added was that in every meeting she stress tested my perceptions of the situation and what was possible, helping me to develop ideas that were outside my current realm of thinking, to see new and different possibilities, and always to pin down actions that I would take to progress the situation. On a number of occasions I went into a session with Mandy feeling stuck and immobilised and came out feeling hopeful, energised and with a clear sense of how to move forward.” MG
“Mandy’s coaching came at a time of significant change in my life and her holistic approach enabled us to have broad and powerful conversations identifying patterns and commonalities across all aspects of my life and career. Her sessions gave me fresh thinking and inspiration for the future whilst being grounded in building a strong understanding of my personal leadership strengths and how to maximise their impact.” JL
Look forward to seeing those of you who want to get unstuck! You can book directly HERE.
Please feel free to forward this article on to anyone you believe may benefit.